I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
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I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
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The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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