his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
