I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
