Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
