i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
