Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
