I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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