I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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