i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
