Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
