i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
