Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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