I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
