Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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