i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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