LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
