I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
