i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
