Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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