problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
