Don't make out with my wife yet
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
