this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
