if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
