3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
