Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
