my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
