This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
