my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
