I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
