she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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