I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
