I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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