she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
