So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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