just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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