I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
