Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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