Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
