I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
