Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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