it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
