I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
