Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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