Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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