And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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