you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
