i just wanna soil my oats bro
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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