Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
