In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
