i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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