I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
