Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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