your room smells of hookers.
And success
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Randomize
