I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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