we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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