he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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