Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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