So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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