so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
