I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
