I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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