I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
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I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize