i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
