I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
