I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
