Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
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I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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