I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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