well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
