i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
