the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
