I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
