Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
