Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
