boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
