now i know why i became what i already was.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
