I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
