His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
