So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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