Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
