i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
