as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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