So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
