College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
