just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
do nipples grow back?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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