I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
