Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
