I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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