doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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