No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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