We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
