Duck Duck Cougar?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
