ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
