He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
